We begin in the name of God, the most Loving, the most Wise,
As I sit here writing this first post, it took me a bit to really nail down what I wanted to deliver to all of you in my first message. I knew that in light of it being January, a new month and the month in which my baby boy will be turning one, that I wanted to talk about Motherhood as a new season of life. Without going on and on, I came to realize this is a perfect note to begin on in so many ways – it’s a welcome to this space, this blog, a welcome to my life and thoughts, welcoming you into this year of 2020. So I’ve decided to share 20 things that we should consider as we step into motherhood.
People go through many seasons, women especially I think. Motherhood is one of those seasons, perhaps the most rewarding and most trying of all. When we look at it as a season of our life however, I feel as though it helps us to remember all the times before when we looked forward to this time in our life and it also reminds us that though we will, of course, always be mothers, the time where we are always needed and wanted and our world almost revolves around caring for our children will come to an end. Bringing this to mind will help us to be more mindful during the good times so as to soak them up and enjoy them and during the tough times, it will serve as a rope to pull us through that this is but a season.
This month last year, I became a Mom to the sweetest, most curious little baby boy. I can’t believe a year has passed – and yet, sometimes it feels like it’s been much longer. It’s incredible how much has happened and how much he’s grown in such a quick time. I am really loving being a Mom. I look forward to the hard work and the challenges along with all the fun stuff and I’m looking forward to sharing bits and pieces of our journey with all of you. From the pregnancy, through his birth, up until now it has really been a journey of love & learning, struggle and triumph, joy and overwhelm. It is a hero’s journey indeed. It has been such a learning experience having this tiny little person in our life and in our care.
Without further ado, I will be sharing 20 small concepts and/or tips that I really think all of us should consider as new moms and many of them, as moms in general.
1. Even after doing as much preparation as possible and learning as much as you are able leading up to the birth of your baby, there will be a lot of things to learn as you go through on-the-job training.
2. Trust your instincts. Seriously. Don’t push them aside because it goes against what it seems like everyone else might be doing. Nobody else knows your baby the way you do and nobody else knows what’s right for your baby! God gave us instincts for a reason and I feel like when you become a mother, those instincts grow even stronger and smarter. Go with your gut.
3. Even if you have your mind made up about a particular birth plan, make yourself generally aware of other possible options and outcomes. You’ll read more about my feelings regarding this in an upcoming post about the cesarean birth of my son but to just sum it up, I highly recommend being informed – although not obsessive – about various options and possibilities for how your birth might turn out in case it doesn’t go the way you’ve planned. Having this information will allow you to maintain a level of control and empowerment in your birth experience even if it doesn’t turn out how you would have liked.
4. Discuss ahead of time who you want in the hospital room with you during your baby’s birth and during your hospital stay, don’t feel shy about asserting your feelings and make sure your husband is ready to help support you in that decision. The more stress you feel during your labor and delivery, the more interventions are likely going to become necessary – you don’t want people in your delivery area that you really didn’t want there, you don’t want to be processing passive-aggressive negativity because you felt uncomfortable telling someone you didn’t want them to be there, and you want to make sure your husband and/or birth support team is on board with supporting you in that.
5. Almost everyone that offers to help you in that early postpartum time is going to offer to hold baby. It’s okay to not want that. It’s okay to want time for just you and your husband with your new baby. Everyone will get a chance to give and get love from little one. To combat awkward experiences at least 87% of the time, it’s great to have a couple of specific tasks that would be helpful for when people do offer to help – that way you can say something along the lines of “I am so thankful for you offering to help me out, I’d really appreciate if you ___, I’m going to cuddle in with baby for a bit.” (Notice the sandwich: Positive – “negative” – Positive)
6. Make sure you and your husband talk A LOT so that the two of you are on the same page about as much to do with parenting as possible. You and your husband are a team and a united front. You won’t agree with everything and some things you are just going to have to agree to disagree..but there are many things where that is not okay. Children, especially small children, thrive on consistency. Get on the same page, figure out each others strengths and weaknesses, and discuss ahead of time how you’re going to deal with disagreements that come up along the way (in regards to parenting).
7. It’s totally normal to feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. You are not alone in wondering whether you’re doing this mom thing right on a fairly regular basis. Cut yourself some slack. Make sure you’re parenting with lots of love and lots of prayer and most likely you’ll be doing fine.
8. Don’t be afraid to stand firm and make boundaries around the way you plan on parenting. There’s lots of ways to parent and most often, all of them are perfectly alright. Parents choose to raise their children in a particular way because they feel that is the best that they have seen/learned/experienced …but that doesn’t mean it will be the same way you should or will decide to parent your children. You have to be okay with that. Some people won’t be okay with that – and you have to be okay with that too!
9. Remember you are your babies biggest advocate – if there’s something you don’t like happening with your child, never feel bad for saying so. Stemming directly from the last point, if someone is treating your child according to how they’ve chosen to parent their child but that doesn’t align with how you’re choosing to raise your child, don’t be afraid to assert yourself – kindly, patiently and respectfully but doing so all the same.
10. You’ll hear a lot of people talking about this philosophy or that way of doing things with their babies/children – it’s totally okay and maybe even best to mix-and-match in order to make a “philosophy of parenting” that suits you, your spouse and your family. Parenting is a journey…it shifts and changes. You learn a lot of it as you go along.
11. Start early with routines. Specifically regarding sleeping and eating. This, just like most of parenting, is not a one-size-fits-all. When you figure out how it fits in your home, it really helps with creating some stability and maintaining sanity for the whole family. Again, babies and children thrive on consistency. You help to fulfill this need by creating little routines and rhythms throughout the day.
12. Even though breastfeeding is natural and generally healthiest for your baby, it is not easy. It does require some learning, on-the-job training and consistent effort. Also, don’t be ashamed if you wind up bottle feeding your baby. The principle of this attaches to a bunch of parenting stuff. Just because it seems like it should be natural doesn’t mean it will just happen automatically. Extend yourself some grace.
13. Playing with your baby can look many different ways..and it totally should. Some days it’s all about pretending to play peek-a-boo while you’re really trying to keep your eyes open after a long, up-and-down kind of night. Some days it’s more like playing outside and exploring nature. It’s okay to have messy days. It’s great to get messy too!
14. Don’t compare yourself to other moms/parents/families. There’s so much comparison and judgment going on in the world today – from social media, television, all the stuff. Don’t do it to yourself. It’s okay to look at other parents and see different aspects of how they parent that you may want to incorporate into your parenting or maybe you’ll see something you definitely want to never do with your child but knowing that other parents will be looking at you in this same way, that’s all it should be – learning from one another. Don’t look down on other parents because they do things differently. Ultimately they’re choosing to do things the best way they know how. Same for you, don’t look down on yourself.
15. Don’t compare your baby to other babies either. Even if they are siblings, cousins, your best friend’s baby, even if they are identical twins – ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT. All babies go at their own pace. It’s not fair to compare them. Just because your child is taking a bit longer than another child to do something doesn’t mean they are not exactly where they should be.
16. Prioritize prayer. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and like everything is just piling up, becoming unbearable. This is a time, where you have to consciously and consistently remember you are not alone. God has given you this blessing and He is the one who will help you with the task of taking care of your child and raising him/her to their fullest potential. It’s difficult some days to really give your full attention to prayer but this is the time where it is increasingly important to make sure you keep a consistent and open relationship with our Creator.
17. It’s okay to not love every moment of being a mom. After all it’s a 24/7/365 gig. Some days even though you’re doing one of the most important jobs in the whole world, it will feel like you did nothing. It’s not being ungrateful or a bad mom if you have moments of frustration or impatience. It means you are normal.
18. Don’t put everything onto your own shoulders. It might feel like it sometimes but nobody expects you to do everything. You shouldn’t expect that from yourself either. You’re going to burnout if you try. Delegate tasks – even though/when you are totally capable.
19. Don’t expect perfection. This fits perfectly after the last point – it’ll be hard to let your husband or your child or whoever may be trying to help out with tasks when they may do those things differently than you might like for them to be done or how you would have done it yourself. You have to be able to accept that at times.
20. Take …scratch that… Make time for yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have. You cannot pour from an empty cup as they say. Every day we need to make sure we are taking care of ourselves. Build, refresh, restore. It really could be something as small as being able to take 20 minutes and read a book, listen to a video, pray a prayer without any distraction, color a picture or whatever really fills you with joy and restores your energy reserves. Prioritize your needs so that you are able to take care of the needs of your loved ones from a place of love and care, not from a place of drudgery and overwhelm.
I hope at least a few of these resonated with you. If you have any additional ideas to share, please do so in the comments or…let me know which of the 20 points really spoke to YOU!
Question for the comments: What would you tell your new mom self if you had the opportunity?
Thank you for stopping by ‘Nourishing Our Home’. Please be sure to pop by every Thursday for new posts. Also, if you found this to be relatable and beneficial, please help me out by sharing with your family and friends.