In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
We talked last year about 17 things our Muslim children need from us. I mentioned things like prioritizing our relationship with God, with our husband and with our own selves. I mentioned engaging our children in a love of learning and the importance of fostering good communication. Of course we also talked about prayer and presence. All 17 things are very important and our children really need each of those things from us. Most of them, however, are a bit abstract or maybe don’t even deal directly with our children.
Today, we’re taking a slightly different approach and we’re talking about 7 absolutely crucial things we have to really provide for our Muslim children – from as early on as possible. When we say crucial, we’re talking about their faith, their identity and their success relying on these things.
1. A personal relationship with Allah.
We don’t want our Muslim children to grow up thinking of Islam as an abstract concept that has no relevance to them outside of some facts and rules they have to follow. As parents, we must really plant the seeds in our children’s heart to connect them with Allah. Our purpose as human beings is to get to know Allah…and obey Him. There are things we have to teach our little one’s about Allah, that they’ll need to be familiar with and believe – as Muslims. But we really can’t skip out on that ‘coming to know’ part. Again, we don’t just want our children to know Allah as some abstract idea – we want to give them roots to really build a deeply personal connection with Him, where they are able to communicate with Allah and become aware of relying on Him.
2. A close friendship with Rasulullah.
We learn as Muslims that we don’t have complete faith until we love prophet Muhammad more than we love our own self. He, peace and blessings be upon us, is our guide, our leader, our prophet. How can we love him if we don’t know him? It is our duty as Muslim parents, to give our children the gift of knowing our messenger and learning to relate to him in their lives. We encourage them and show them through example how to love him and how to follow his example in our everyday lives. Again, it is so important that we emphasize here that it is so much more than narrating stories and memorizing facts – we are aiming to personalize the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. He called us his brothers and sisters, he prayed for us, he is our prophet – despite living so long ago.
3. A trusting relationship with a handful of adults.
Ideally, us as their parents, are among the most important trusting adult relationships our children will have. But also, outside of us, it’s good to have a few adults that we not only trust but we know that they have a solid foundation in their faith and good morals and values, that our children can go to in any case they may need some mentoring, some advice or even to vent – outside of their parents. We want to think about relatives such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc… but also we want to give them wings to connect with quality people in the wider community as well. Elders in the masjid, friends of ours, etc. Despite wanting to prioritize a strong faith foundation and good morals and values, outside of that, it is good to provide our children access to diversity in thoughts, ideas and experiences.
4. A few amazing close companions.
At a certain point, the influence of our children’s friends start to outweigh the influence that we may have. It is something hardly avoidable… But we can be proactive about that. Part of it is definitely giving our children a strong, solid foundation during their early years – that while they may divert from that, they always have it to fall back on. Also though, we definitely play a role in the friends – especially those they bring the closest to them – that our children engage with. This looks like having boundaries around your home space, your values, etc. It also looks like helping your children be in spaces where they have regular opportunities to engage with people that would make good companions. This is a whole post in itself…but it’s important to make note of it here.
5. A community to be involved in and fall back on.
When we look through Islamic traditions, regardless of place in the world, we see a strong emphasis on people – on relationships and connections. We see that everyone, including the children have a role to contribute. We don’t see that as much or as clearly in our western world. It is something that is crucial for the hearts of our children. We need a community to be a part of. Having a community that relies on us and that we can lean on fulfills our need to be a part of something. It provides a richness in our lives and it really provides opportunities to grow as a person. It’s something that we really have to be intentional with – whether you have a community that you’ve grown up in or even if you have to piece together a version of community that will work for you and your family.
6. A vision for their future.
As our children grow up, we have to facilitate for them a sense of vision for their future. In the early years this looks like increasingly giving them opportunities to become more independent. Giving them tasks that clearly highlight the role that they play within their home and family. It also looks like encouraging them when we see them making an effort and doing well. There is also the educational component as well as providing experiential growth opportunities. As they grow older, it means sitting down with them and helping them come up with goals and how they can work toward those things. It’s not all about education and careers. We have to talk about morals and values, habits, hobbies, experiences they may seek out – it’s considering the full range of human experience.
As parents, we have a responsibility to give our children the tools to succeed – not only in this life but especially in the hereafter. We must take our role seriously, especially in the early years. Sometimes it can feel like we can wait to teach our children their faith until later in their lives, when things become obligatory upon them…but the time is now. I hope that you find inspiration, hope and some ideas between this list and the previous one, where we’re talking about things that our Muslim children need from us.
Question for the comments: Is there anything from this list that you’re focusing on right now? Let me know what you’re doing very well…and what you feel like you’re struggling with.
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