In the name of Allah,the most Gracious, the most Merciful
It’s been a few months now since my son completely stopped nursing, so I wanted to reflect back and share our experience with you. Perhaps you will find some helpful information if you are thinking about weaning in the near future but I hope that at least you’ll find encouragement and support. It was tough but it wasn’t as tough as I thought it was going to be!
From the beginning, I had a very complicated relationship with breastfeeding. I was so determined, from before even getting pregnant, that I was going to breastfeed my babies. I didn’t plan on using bottles. I definitely didn’t intend to give him formula. But, as you can read about here, I had low milk supply and I wound up having to supplement.
Nonetheless, thank God, I was able to breastfeed my son until he was 22 months. I had a few key things that led my journey in this. I knew for sure that I’d be done nursing by the time he turned 2 and that I wanted it to be a very gentle, easygoing experience for both of us. I also knew that I didn’t want to wait until the last minute.
When the time finally came, I was nervous. I wasn’t sure how he would take it. I didn’t know how I’d be able to get him comforted back to sleep in the middle of the night without nursing. I was wondering how I’d get him to take his naps and fall asleep for bedtime.
But it turned out…he was more ready than I thought he was.
A few key notes to get out of the way before jumping in:
1. From about 3 months old, we had to supplement because of low milk supply. He had a goat milk based formula that he drank from a bottle. So although he nursed until 22 months, about 60% of his calories & nutrition was coming from his bottles.
2. Though there are so many nutritional benefits from breast milk, we have to remember that the food/nutritional side is only part of it. We have to consider the comfort our little one is experiencing from nursing. It’s a special bonding time with your baby. We also have to consider the habitual aspects of nursing.
3. Last but not least, just like with most other aspects of parenting, everyone’s journey and experience is going to look a little different. I encourage you to take what works for you, mix and match it so it fits with your needs and simply leave the rest.
So what did we do?
To start from the beginning, I started our weaning journey right around 18 months! We had already stopped bottles by that time. So he was eating solid food and nursing. He also drank almond milk, goat milk and lots of water.
My first step was simple and that is, only offering him to nurse three times – when he first woke up, when it was nap time and bedtime. Now to be clear, at this point, outside of those three times, I also nursed him anytime he asked me. That didn’t happen very often but it came in really handy when he woke up in the middle of his nap and especially in the middle of the night.
When he was 20 months, I felt like it was time to start cutting back a little bit more. This looked like cutting out the morning feeding. So the only time I nursed him during the day was for him to get to sleep for his nap. This was tough at first. We were also in the process of moving at this time. With our routine being off, our days being a bit more unpredictable and me feeling bad about both of those things definitely added to how tough it was. Some mornings started a bit earlier than I’d have liked. Some of our mornings, especially in the first week or so, started off with fussing and grumbling. But we got through it.
We focused on that for about a month. Once we moved into our new apartment and took a week or so to settle in, I felt like we were ready to progress. I made a little ten-day countdown calendar and we added that to our morning routine. So each day that passed, he would use his dot markers and “dot out” one square. Each time, as we we’re marking off the day, I reminded him what the calendar was and we took a couple minutes to talk about being all done with milkies.
Once the ten days came to an end, it was the day to stop nursing for nap time! I was really nervous how that would go. I was worried that I’d give in. It worked! Day one came, we had talked about it a few times throughout the morning and when it came to nap time, I reminded him that I’d be sitting with him but we weren’t having any milk. He started to fuss and cry a little bit. About 10 minutes passed, I was sitting with him and trying my best to comfort him. Finally he let me hold him and I recited Qur’an to him while rocking him. It took a while, like a half hour, but we did it! He took his nap without nursing.
The next day, he didn’t even cry. Over the next week, there were a couple days that he did get upset. But the first day was the worst and it wasn’t that bad. Now we got the hang of that for two weeks. Finally, it was time for no more bedtime nursing. Again, leading up to this night, we had been talking about it frequently throughout the couple days before. We went through his bedtime routine and instead of nursing, I held him and read a bedtime book. We cuddled and snuggled. I recited Qur’an to him. He rolled around. He wanted to be held. There were nights that it took him over an hour to fall asleep. There were some rough nights for sure!
There were times that he did cry a bit about not nursing but overall, he was a champ! The first three nights after not nursing him for bedtime, he slept through the night! It was beautiful! On top of getting to sleep through the night myself after so long, those few days also provided a buffer period that really helped with dropping the overnight feeds.
At that point, we were basically done..and with 2 months to spare! Even now, there are days where he asks about milkies. We have some cows that live nearby and he sees the calves nursing and he connects it to himself nursing before. He sees animals getting milk from their mommies in his books and he always brings notice to it. When he brings it up, we just talk about it. I acknowledge what he is expressing…and we talk about all the other ways, aside from nursing, that we are able to spend time and be close.
Breastfeeding offers such a sweet bonding experience and I’m so grateful that despite all the troubles, I was able to provide at least some nutrition and “breast milk magic” to my baby boy for almost two years. But, to be honest, I’m also very grateful that we’re finished and moving on to new chapters.
5 Tips for a Gentle Weaning Experience:
1. Start off by simply limiting your offers. If your little one asks to nurse, you don’t have to say no. But ahead of time, decide how many times you will offer…and stick to it.
2. Cut back on feedings gradually. Once you feel like you’ve got the hang of cutting back through less offers to nurse, decide which of these usual times will be easiest (for your baby and for yourself) to cut out..and drop it.
3. Create new routines. Replacing nursing with a different form of connection is really important. It is now time to begin creating new routines that don’t include nursing. Instead of nursing, maybe you can cuddle and read a book. Or maybe have a cup of warm milk in a cup.
4. Talk to your baby about weaning. Don’t discount actually explaining to your little one what is going on. Letting them know ahead of time gives them a little bit of time to play around with the idea and get used to it a bit. It helps curb the overwhelm, even if just a little bit.
5. Get them actively involved in the process. There’s multiple ways of doing this but the idea is to really try and help them have a bit of ownership in being done with breastfeeding. Our countdown, dotting away each day until the calendar was completely filled, really helped. It was something tangible for him to take part in, in this upcoming adventure.
We’re 100% done with milkies. It wasn’t a walk in the park but it wasn’t terrible. It was another experience to grow through – for our entire family…and I’m so grateful for each step of the way!
Question for the comments: What was your biggest struggle with weaning?
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