In the name of Allah, the most Loving, the Wise
I know; it’s just a joke! So what’s the harm?! Most people aren’t really calling their toddler terrible! Referring to our toddlers in terms like “terrible twos” is only meant as a way to harmlessly blow off steam! It’s used to connect with other frazzled parents and maybe share a few laughs. But guys!! Words have power.. The language we choose shapes our view of the world. When we speak, we’re sharing our story. We’re sharing our vision. We’re sharing our hearts.
Of course we can joke and play around. I’m simply suggesting that we be more careful with our choice of words.. Especially when we are talking about such precious gifts from Allah. It’s not that the experience is always easy – but let’s be honest, being around ourselves isn’t always easy!
Toddlers are little human beings! They have a wide range of feelings, thoughts, needs and wants. The difference is: they’re still developing their communication skills and their ability to process and respond to all these new experiences! The amount of development that they go through in the first two-three years of their lives is IMMENSE! We have to occasionally take time to step back and try to see life from their perspective. Figuratively…and literally! As parents, we should frequently get down on our children’s level, go at their pace and let them take the lead a little bit.
When we have a bit of knowledge and understanding, it will go a long way in helping us to navigate this stage with a sense of calm and even joy. Toddlers are so much more capable than we often give them credit for. I think we can all benefit from being a little more mindful in our interactions with our little ones.
Today, I’m inviting you to let go of the “terrible twos” mindset and focus on all of the incredible ways your toddler is growing and developing. I have five words to help you make that shift!
5 Words to Help You Transform “Terrible” Into “Terrific”:
1. Freedom.
One of the major developments in this stage involves our little one’s realizing that they are their own person. With this in mind, it is totally normal for a toddler to test boundaries. They are trying to explore what they can do, the reasons behind why they aren’t allowed to do the things they can’t do. They’re learning what they’re capable of. They are learning cause-and-effect and consequences. They’re learning more about you too…
Freedom is the ability to move freely within boundaries. It is important to help your toddler grow in their autonomy. Allow them to take small responsibilities for themselves. In the areas they’re not quite able to take full responsibility, offer choices so they can at least take part in the decision making process. Be clear, firm and consistent with what the boundaries are…but also don’t be too rigid. You have to be willing to let go a little bit. Remember, every little bit that your little one is growing, you’re growing a bit as well.
2. Connection.
Toddlers are going through some massive shifts in their 1st-3rd year of life! Some of those shifts are pushing their independence – weaning, potty training, moving to their own bed, etc. Your little one is also learning about the wide range of emotions available to them! They’re developing in their communication! All of that considered, it is vital, for both your toddler and yourself, to maintain a strong sense of connection with your toddler!
Snuggles and cuddles. Story time. Hiking. Lots of hugs. Also listening and talking. As much as your toddler wants autonomy, they still need and want to be connected with you. They still require a sense of safety and stability from you. We have to remember, the way that we connect with our little ones greatly impacts their ability to ultimately connect within themselves.
3. Routine.
Part of giving your toddler freedom is having well established routines. While your little one loves exploring their environment, trying new things and testing boundaries…they also like to have an idea of what to expect. Routines help provide a sense of comfort and normalcy for your child. Through repetition, our toddler will start to develop an understanding of how things work around them. Routines help with establishing expectations as well – what you expect of your little one, as well as what they can expect from you! Having a routine helps to lower stress and creates a sense of calm – for your toddler but also for you!
The key to creating a routine is consistency! Establishing firm routines around sleeping and eating are great places to start! Choose one routine to get started with, pick a few steps that will become your routine and stick to it until it has become second nature for you and your little one. Once you’ve got one, you can keep building up from there.
4. Communicate.
Communication is key to any relationship, including the one with your toddler! You want to interact with your little one with warmth, gentleness and responsiveness. NOW is the time to start cultivating that beautiful bond you want with your child! You want to do your best to be modeling healthy and effective communication through these interactions. Express your feelings well and help them to do the same. When a problem is coming up, describe it and come together to figure out a solution. Help them to put into words whatever it is they may be experiencing.
Another part of this communication is looking specifically at those boundaries you are setting to keep them well and safe. Taking the time to explain, obviously in a safe and age appropriate way, what you’re asking of them…and why. When you offer reasoning to your little one, even if they may not understand everything you are telling them ALL the time, it shows them that you value their feelings, you respect them and it makes clear your values and expectations.
5. Play.
Your toddler learns so much through playing and simply engaging with the world around them. There’s no need to try to force them into memorizing this piece of information or picking up that skill. One of your toddlers biggest needs is simply lots and lots and lots of opportunity for play! I talk a good bit about choosing your child’s toys wisely and it has a lot to do with the fact that they are educational tools! You want to encourage your child to play independently, where they have some open-ended toys to just do what they wish and create their own play in their own way. Also, sometimes you want to offer opportunities for more guided play as well. Neither is necessarily more important than the other but you want to provide a good balance.
It’s not just about your toddler though, it’s important for you to play too! Playing with your child but also taking the time to “play” on your own. We too learn a lot when we allow ourselves to simply engage in activities that we enjoy, that offers us time to step away, take a break and recharge. It is such an important part of being a nourished mama. You have to take care of yourself, refill your cup – because you cannot give what you don’t have.
Question for the comments: Which of these words will you choose to focus on this week with your toddler?
Thank you for stopping by ‘Nourishing Our Home’. Please be sure to pop in every Thursday for new posts. Also, if you found this to be relatable and beneficial, please help me out by sharing with your family and friends.