In the name of Allah, the most Loving, the Wise
Aaaahhhhhh! My son turns two years old this Saturday and I’m just overwhelmed with so many emotions! How did the time go by fast?! So with that said, we’re diving in this month talking about parenting, toddlers, raising two year olds and more!
One of the principles I’ve tried to keep in the forefront of my parenting has been to not do things for my kiddo that he’s capable of doing himself. Sometimes it’s difficult. It can be hard to see them struggling with something that you could easily do for them. It’s tough taking those extra couple minutes to allow your toddler to do certain tasks, especially when you’re used to doing those things quickly. However, when we are able to sit back for just a moment, we’re allowing our children to learn new skills and we are helping to cultivate their independence!
It is so important that we give our little one’s age appropriate autonomy and responsibility from the very beginning. A big part of that is shifting our own mindset!
One big roadblock for some moms is feeling we must make things easy for our child and do things for them in order that they feel loved. We want our child to know that we support them, we’re there for them and we love them so much! Believe it or not, giving our children space to develop their personal autonomy is full of benefits for you, your toddler and your entire family! It is a time where we can allow our unconditional love, forgiveness and support shine through. There are so many layers to this but ultimately, if this is a roadblock you struggle with, now is a great time to start working through it.
For some, it might be about letting go of perfectionism. You cannot expect a toddler to complete a task in the same manner that you would. When we’re starting to introduce our toddlers to doing new tasks on their own, they’re not going to get it perfect the first time. Their shoes might be on the wrong feet, both their legs might end up in one whole, they might spill their drink. We have to accept that they’re learning. We’re not perfect either. We still make mistakes, even as adults. As we encourage and support their practicing these new skills, they’ll get more proficient! You have to trust the process.
Another big barrier for us moms is fast living! It can be really tough to just be present with our little one as they’re working on a task that we could’ve been done with five minutes ago. They want to examine each aspect of it. Experience every minute detail of it! They want to think about it. Talk about it. Giggle about it. Cry. It’s a whole ordeal! All you want to do is get out the door, get your kiddo into bed or move on to the next part of the day! I get it! The thing to really remember here is that it’s not just the skill they’re learning here, the whole experience is learning for them! It’s only a short season… It’s hard but we can get through it!
So in honor of my kiddo turning two and in honor of helping our toddlers start cultivating their autonomy and doing hard things, I want to share 24 things that we can start letting our little one’s do by themselves.
One last thing before I jump in: Please don’t use this list to compare your child! This list is not for you to look at and count how many things your toddler doesn’t do yet nor is it for grading your 2 year old. My son is not proficient at all of these. Heck, I could even pick out a few that I’m not 100% proficient at. These are skills that are appropriate to introduce, teach, and support your toddler in achieving in their first couple years of life.
1. Telling you how they feel.
Toddlerhood is the perfect time to start introducing this lifelong skill. We’re not expecting any level of proficiency yet and there’s totally still going to be plenty of tantrums and whatnot, but taking the time to help them identify their feelings and figure out how to tell you is so important and it’s a beautiful bonding experience!
2. Asking for what they want.
Again, two year olds will still throw tantrums and whine for things they want occasionally. It’s a part of the package. Start calmly reminding your little one that they can use words to tell you what they want. Help them figure out which words to us and remind them to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
3. Making du’a.
Two (or even birth) is a perfect age for introducing small supplications throughout the day such as saying Bismillah before eating or drinking. But also, start helping your toddler resonate with the idea of calling out to Allah for the things they need/want.
4. Resolving disagreements with a friend of similar age.
When your little one has small disagreements with safe people of similar age to them, give them a couple minutes to allow them time and space to figure it out. If you need to step in, try to help them come up with their own solution rather than solving it for them.
5. Playing on their own.
It is important for parents to play with their children but it is also important for children to be able to enjoy playing on their own. It can be a bit of a learning curve so don’t be afraid to go slowly. It’s a great skill for your child and it also gives you, as a mom, some time to do other things.
6. Carry their own things.
You can encourage your child to carry a small bag with the toy(s) and/or snack that they’re bringing with them when they go out someplace.
7. Taking their clothes off.
Elastic pants, underpants, socks and zipper pajamas are the easiest to start working with.
8. Getting their own clean clothes.
If you want to support your toddler in being able to get their own outfit for the day, you’ll need to either have two outfits planned out for them to choose from or have their clothes organized and put away in such a way that you can help guide them to get each item they’ll need.
9. Zipping their zippers.
For jackets, you will likely need to get the zipper on the track but they can take over from there!
10. Putting their own shoes on.
Slip-on shoes and shoes with Velcro are a great place to begin! Boots and more complicated shoes will definitely take a little more time and practice.
11. Putting their dirty clothes in the hamper.
This again, will require some consistent planning on your part (aka, the laundry hamper stays in the same place) and some reminders but totally something your toddler can do.
12. Helping sort laundry and put it away.
You can even make it into a game sort of. Let your little one identify which clothing items belong to which person. Give them the responsibility of putting their clothes away.
13. Brushing their teeth.
You’re going to want to either brush their teeth first or after they take their turn to make sure their teeth are properly cleaned. However, now is a great time to start helping them build the skills to take care of their body.
14. Getting on and off the toilet.
They’re likely going to need a step stool of some sort but I’ve found that giving autonomy is a powerful tool for potty training…and this is definitely part of it!
15. Scrubbing up in the bath.
Same as with brushing teeth, you’re going to want to assist with this.
16. Drinking from an open cup.
This can be a big learning curve but it has to be learned… Be prepared for lot’s of spills, changing clothes, and wiping messes. As daunting as it might be, the earlier you start the better!
17. Using a spoon & fork to eat.
Another pretty big learning curve! The easiest way to calm your mind with this would be to make sure your little one is eating in a place that is easily cleanable. We forgot because it’s been so long but it takes a lot of coordination and skill to eat with a fork and spoon.
18. Taking their dishes to the counter/sink.
This can be scary if your toddler is using glass dishes. It’s great to practice with bamboo, metal or melamine dishes. However, even with using glass, just practice with them until both of you feel confident and secure in it.
19. Cleaning up their own spills.
Make sure if any cleaners are involved that they are chemical free. Otherwise, just a washcloth or small towel will do. You might need to go behind them the first hundred times or so… but they’re getting it!
20. Putting their toys away.
You’ll have to find a system that works for you. I like to allow my son to take out whatever he wants and play as he pleases (within reason) but we have clean up time before nap, before we do a more involved activity (like art), before we leave our home and before bed.
21. Putting books on the shelf.
Same thing with toys. The books might not be stored as neat and tidy as you would do it but they are on the shelf and right now, that’s all that matters.
22. Helping with cooking.
Children are always welcome in my kitchen (just not with their toys!). Some simple tasks to include toddlers in are washing fruits and vegetables, peeling veggies, adding ingredients and mixing batters.
23. Throwing away trash.
This can be a “dirty task”, depending on what they are throwing away. The important thing is make sure it’s sanitary and parallel to this task, help them wash their hands after.
24. Getting in and out of the car.
Depending on the size of your vehicle, they’ll probably need a hand with this.
For each item in this list, there are so many variables that could impact where you and your child stand with that particular thing. Every child and every circumstance is so different! Ultimately these are just some ideas to help you get started in helping to build your toddlers confidence in themselves, trusting their abilities, trusting yourself and building a great relationship with your kids. As usual, take what works for you and build from there – you don’t have to implement all of these!
Question for the comments: Which of these are you going to start encouraging your toddler to do on their own? What is something you allow your toddler to do that you feel like most people don’t allow at such a young age?
Thank you for stopping by ‘Nourishing Our Home’. Please be sure to pop in every Thursday for new posts. Also, if you found this to be relatable and beneficial, please help me out by sharing with your family and friends.