In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
While embracing this beautiful Spring weather, gardening has been on my mind a lot lately. Unfortunately we won’t be able to plant much this year but as we shift into the season, I’ve been reflecting on how Motherhood is very much like gardening. Similar to motherhood, I’m new to gardening but I am enjoying the process. I’m enjoying learning as I go.
Motherhood and gardening are labors of love.. With adequate intention, attention and of course lots of prayers, the fruits are like no other. Both works require a lot of thought and intention in order to truly bring forth good. Both require a lot of work and a lot of patience. In both situations, we, more or less, reap what we sow. Here are 6 ways that motherhood is similar to gardening:
1. The soil is absolutely crucial.
When we look at dirt…we usually don’t think much of it. But when we’re trying to garden, we realize that depending on the type of garden you are trying to grow, you’ll need to make sure your soil is best equipped for those particular plants. Perhaps the soil that’s already laid down is perfect. Often though, it will need a complete renovation. You’ll need to add in some nutrients, perhaps some compost, perhaps some sand. It might take only one season to get it ready, depending on how much time you have and how determined you are…and how much it needs to shift in order to be ready to grow your desired garden. The foundation that you lay for your plants to grow in needs to be good quality and full of nutrients. As simple as it may seem, you can’t skimp out with this important part!
The soil of Motherhood can be looked at as our home environment, our boundaries, the emotional and spiritual skills we have. The soil of our Mothering is the foundation we set for our parenting and the overall upbringing we are envisioning for our children. First and foremost, we’ll need to have a clear vision of the garden we desire, so that we can identify what soil that will require. We want to make sure that we are growing our children in nutrient dense soil, filled with prayerfulness, nutrients, sunlight, and a whole lot of love. We want to make sure we have the mental space and the skills to make the choices and set the boundaries that we’ll need to have in place to grow a fruitful garden. Furthermore, we’ll need to take a look at the home environment we’re creating and make sure that it is the soil in which our garden can really thrive. We want our home to be life-giving and we want to make sure it is able to provide a solid foundation for our little seedlings.
2. The foundation you lay in the early stages affects every stage thereafter.
The work of gardening never truly ends but much of the fruition relies on the work that takes place early on in your journey. When you pay attention to the early days, although you’ll likely need to shift and mend occasionally, there will at least be a solid foundation. This includes checking and amending the soil as we mentioned in the first point but it’s also things like making sure you don’t have the seedlings exposed to too much sunlight or too much cold before they are ready. It’s taking precaution in not planting them outside until they’re solid enough to be able to stand on their own. It’s protecting them from the pests and the animals that prey on them. Making sure you give them the right amount of water and the right amount of sunlight. It’s pruning them. Pulling up the weeds. It’s not waiting too long or becoming too distracted by the work, to enjoy the fruits. All of this is creating the foundation for our plants.
As with plants, our children either thrive, adapt or struggle…depending on the foundation we lay for them. In the early stages of Motherhood, we focus on building a strong bond with our little ones. We make sure they’re not exposed to foul things. While allowing them space and time to grow and fruit, we also offer loving support and lots of prayer to help them continue in a good way. We take the time to provide nutrients to help strengthen them – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. As they grow, we protect their space, their time and their energy and help them learn to do the same. We identify their natural gifts and we tune into them and help them to grow in that. We make sure to not focus on the weeds but rather enjoy the fruits, appreciate them graciously and cultivate them well. And of course, we feed them nutritious foods, we give them water, fresh air and tons of sun!
3. It requires a lot of patience.
As much work as we might be putting into our garden in the beginning, it takes time for us to actually see the fruit. Part of being able to actually enjoy gardening is being able to enjoy the process. While you might not enjoy every part and some things you’ll find more difficult and tedious than others, the overall process can be very joyful. You plant the seeds, you put in small but very important efforts each and every day. It can be very exciting the moment you see the first sign of green coming up from the dirt where you planted a seed. It can bring a smile to your face, seeing that green spec turn into a stem with leaves. Growing bit by bit each day or each week. It can likewise bring joy to your heart in just realizing that Allah is allowing us to take care of this small portion of His beautiful creation.
Patience can be difficult when you’re putting in so much effort and we’re not seeing the results right away. But just as our plants don’t sprout up the moment we plant them, our children take time to grow and even more time to blossom and fruit. We set the vision, we put in consistent effort and as time goes on, those little seedlings are taking root and growing strong even when we aren’t able to notice. It can be frustrating when it feels like we’ve been doing everything we’re supposed to for all this time and yet still, not only are we not getting fruit but also we still have to keep working hard. This is our time to not only be patient and remember that this is a labor of love but also, embrace your trust in Allah. This is a beautiful experience, even through the times where it doesn’t seem like things are going the way we imagined. When we push through and we continue doing the things that we must do with faith and trust in God, we’ll eventually see those little sprouts begin to emerge.
4. There’s going to be lots of trial and error.
Gardening, if you choose to look at it this way, is learning through play. You study all that you can ahead of time from reading, listening to lessons, watching videos, asking questions, etc but ultimately you’ll learn as you go. Your garden, although you can benefit much from putting time in ahead of your own journey, is a little bit unique from the stories you’ll hear and read from. Each plant is intricate in its own way. The seed packet gives you a good amount of details but sometimes you’ll have to tweak it a bit to fit your own situation. Maybe you’ll find that your garden doesn’t actually get as much sunlight as you first thought. Perhaps you’ll have to be a bit more diligent with picking out weeds and keeping on top of the pests. There will be times where everything is growing beautifully and there will be times where it feels like you are just barely hanging onto your last plant. This goes back to being able to embrace the journey and enjoy the season.
Just as with our children, each family and even every child is unique. Most of us start off with a vision of how our parenting might look. We learn what we can ahead of time and we try our best. Children don’t come with manuals but as moms, we do have some instincts that kick in and as humans (especially as women) we have the gift of intuition. With time, we come to learn each of our children – their personality, their tendencies, their gifts and even their shortcomings. As we move through the journey that parenting is and as we learn our children, we are able to tailor our parenting so that we can attend to our children in a way that is well-suited for them. Nonetheless, we will make mistakes…but through those, we will have our greatest opportunities for learning and doing better.
5. The weeding is never done.
When the soil is so rich and full of nutrients, there will be weeds popping up frequently. Some of them simply make your garden look a little messy. Some of them, however, can be deadly. Regardless, you don’t want weeds to take over your garden and the way to prevent that is by consistently going through your garden and taking out the weeds. Even when it feels tedious. Even if you went out last week and there weren’t any. As long as you get out there and put in the small chunks of work on a consistent basis, the workload doesn’t pile up. Some weeds have strong roots and they’re tough to pull out but again, if you catch them early – it’s a lot easier to pull them, before their roots become entwined in the roots of your plants.
Similarly, we know that there will be tests for us and for our children. But the beautiful thing is, if we’re expecting these tests, we can prepare for them. We can do regular audits for ourselves, our children and our family. We take the precautions early on to guard over our children’s hearts and cultivate within them a love of Allah. Again, we take small but consistent steps in making sure that the negative influences of the world around us don’t get rooted within our children. This also involves taking a look at our children and realizing things that they may need to work on…and helping them work on their inner self. Helping our children learn and build the important emotional and spiritual skills to keep themselves strong, well and protected.
6. We only have so much control over the outcome.
The truth is, we could do everything just right and still not have a lovely garden to show for it. There will be something beautiful that comes of it but there’s no guarantee that it’ll turn out the way we expected. We don’t know how our garden will go beyond how it is right in this moment. Ultimately there are so many other factors, beyond our work, that affect how things will turn out. Hopefully you have the garden you envisioned but it’s important to remember that there is no guarantee. However on the flipside, you cannot expect to harvest from a garden that you don’t plant.
In regards to Mothering, this can be a hard pill to swallow. We’ve created a beautiful vision and we’ve cultivated everything so wonderfully. We have put in the work for hours upon hours, day after day, so many years… and we don’t even have certainty that our work will be fruitful? The truth is, we can plan and prepare, prune and protect but there are certain things that are outside of our control. Our children may fall ill. They will likely face struggles and tests. Perhaps they will make life choices that we don’t agree with or that aren’t inline with our family values and goals. This is not meant to be discouraging although it is certainly a little “darker” than the other points. It is a reminder, however, that we do what we can but there’s so much that we simply have to leave in the hands of Allah. We hope that the foundation we lay will hold our little one’s firm and steady. However, we have to also acknowledge our limited control over how our parenting will go and ultimately, our children will turn out. Just like in our garden, this is an incredible lesson of submission and trust in Allah.
Question for the comments: Do you have another way that motherhood is like gardening? Be sure to let us know in the comments!
Thank you for stopping by ‘Nourishing Our Home’. Please be sure to pop in every Thursday for new posts. Also, if you found this to be relatable and beneficial, please help me out by sharing with your family and friends.
If you’d like to see more about Nourishing Our Home, check us out on Facebook and Pinterest and consider joining our ‘Nourished Muslimah at Home’ Facebook Group.