In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
I have been learning quite a bit about rhythms, routines and rituals for intentional living. I love a little bit of structure with flexibility…so I much prefer this route over trying to stick to a strict schedule. I hope to be talking a bit about each of these over the next couple months but today, we’re honing in on a couple of simple rituals if you’re trying to be more intentional as a Muslim family.
Before we go any further, I want to put a quick disclaimer; this post and any time I’m talking about something specific to faith, though I speak from an educated and thoughtful place, none of my posts should be taken as an Islamic ruling. Please always do your own research.
Let’s start off by defining ‘ritual’ – so, I think different people have different understandings of that word. I’m still working on my own personal definition but as of right now, I would say that a ritual is ‘a mindful activity that is guided by a specific intention that happens as a regular occurrence.’ That said, it’s not just a random thing – you have a goal in mind. It is something you do consistently – whether that be on a daily basis, monthly or even yearly.
There are lots of benefits that can come from setting up family rituals.. It is a great way to build strong values within your home and develop your ideal family culture. It can also be a great tool for strengthening your connection and bonding together as a whole family. As an extension and merging of both of those, having family rituals builds a sense of shared family meaning and a family identity that is built from your families core beliefs and values. It helps create a sense of security and a sense of belonging for the entire family.
Today, we’re talking about 8 small-ish family rituals that are inspired straight from the Sunnah…to add to your family life to help us all live a bit more intentionally. We’re talking about monthly, weekly and daily rituals that build up a culture in your home of BEING a Muslim, BEING in consistent remembrance of Allah, and regularly working on our relationship with Allah, with ourselves and with one another.
So let’s talk about it…
1. Sighting the moon to identify the beginning of each lunar month.
As we know, the Islamic calendar follows the lunar cycle. I think a lot of us only really pay attention to this when it comes to Ramadan…but the truth is, there are lots of things to tune into throughout the Islamic calendar. There are special days throughout some of the months but also just being aware of the flow of the year. Making a family ritual of sighting the moon and keeping track of the entire Islamic year – not just Ramadan – can be a very fun, special and beneficial part of your month.
2. Fasting a portion of the month.
This can be a weekly ritual or monthly. There are so many different options for fasting in accordance with the Sunnah. Two of the most common options are fasting on Monday and Thursday and fasting the 13th, 14th and 15th of each month. Fasting provides so many benefits – it is a guard against temptations, it builds spiritual strength and resilience, and there is a special gate of Paradise for those who make a regular habit of fasting. Rituals such as fasting a portion of each month play a big role in cultivating a culture of putting our faith at the forefront within our home…
3. Completing a reading of the Qur’an.
Let’s be honest, a lot of us fall short on connecting with our Qur’an on a regular basis. While it is most important that we have a daily habit of spending time reading our Qur’an…it is an ideal family ritual to complete a full reading of the Qur’an as a family each month. It’s great to read it in Arabic if you’re able to. It is wonderful also, to read it in whatever your language is so that you can understand what you’re reading. Establishing a daily or monthly ritual with the Qur’an as a family can be very impactful. It allows you to establish a relationship with the Qur’an in a way that you’re not able to when you pick it up very sporadically. Not only do you become familiar with the words of Allah, you always have it as an anchor you can return to.
4. Make Fridays special.
I hear a lot of discussions about Muslim families feeling like they don’t have a lot of opportunities for celebrations…some families feel like they’re missing out on all the various holidays and birthdays that come up in non-Muslim families. But we have a celebratory day every single Friday. The day of Jumu’ah is a celebratory day for us as Muslims. We tend to neglect it a lot…but maybe it’s time to bring that back. Get freshened up. Wear your best clothes. Decide what is special for your family and start doing it.
5. Pray together as a Family for at least one prayer.
Depending on your family’s schedule among other things, it can be difficult to get everyone in the home to pray together. But praying together is a sunnah. It is more rewardable than praying separately. Even if you can only manage one prayer a day together. Maybe it’s fajr – before everyone starts their day. Maybe it’s Maghrib – just as the evening begins. Figure out what works for you and your family and make it a daily ritual for you and your family to pray one prayer together.
6. Eating together as a family.
Eating together is something that’s talked about pretty frequently in relation to being an intentional family. It’s beneficial for fostering connection and healthy communication for families. But did you realize, it is also from the Sunnah to eat together? It is… There are numerous hadith about eating together rather than eating separately, mentioning the blessings in doing so. Going back to your family schedule, this might be difficult to do for every meal.. But I think it’s safe to say that it’s pretty doable for all of us to create a daily ritual of eating one meal together as a family every day.
7. Visiting extended family.
There should be no doubt of the importance for us to keep and strengthen family ties. How this looks will be different for every family, depending on your own individual circumstances. But it could be a great family ritual to go visit some of your extended family on a monthly basis. If you have some family that lives far away, maybe it will have to be an annual ritual. Maybe you have monthly Facetime/Zoom meetings with your family. The idea here is keeping in touch with as much of your family as possible and fostering healthy and happy relationships on a regular basis as a family – make it work for you and your family.
8. Remembrance of Allah together after the obligatory prayers.
I realize this can be a touchy subject for some of us…but the truth is that it’s something mentioned in the Hadith. It can be very fun, connecting and encouraging for the entire family to sit together just for a couple minutes, after one or all five of the obligatory prayers, and remember Allah together. It doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy. What do you usually say after your prayers? Instead of saying it to yourself quietly, simply say it aloud with your family. You could even connect this ritual with the family ritual of praying together. This provides an opportunity for the entire family to be learning what to say after the prayers, it is an opportunity to build that habit of being in remembrance of Allah and it’s a great opportunity for bonding as a family.
Creating the life you desire happens by consistently showing up for the little things. Making small shifts on a regular basis really does make a huge difference. One of the ways we can do this is by gradually adding in rhythms, routines and rituals into our family life. We want to make sure, in our effort to be more intentional and put our faith first in everything, that we avoid getting stuck in all the ‘doing’. Instead, we want to shift our focus to ‘being’. So we want to make sure we’re choosing things that fit for our core beliefs and our core values as individuals and as a family. And that we are using all of this as a means to our ultimate goal.
Question for the comments: Do you and your family have any rituals set up right now? I’d love to hear about them in the comments…also, if any of these really stand out for you – I’d love to hear which one.
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