In the name of Allah, the most Compassionate, the most Merciful
Yesterday, August 12th, my husband and I celebrated our third anniversary! I know this sounds cliche but some days it feels like we’ve been through a lifetime together already and other times, it feels like we’re just starting our life together.
Our marriage has been a beautiful journey with many ups-and-downs. Our first year especially had a lots of rocky roads – not necessarily difficulties within our marriage but I was traveling back and forth to finish my last semester of school during the first few months of marriage, we had family things come up, we went through my first miscarriage. It was rough. But alhamdulillah, Allah kept us strong!
Now, as we complete our third year of marriage – between covid and our move, we aren’t doing anything super huge to celebrate but together we are taking a big step in our lives this month – moving out into our very own place together! (So you’ll be getting some content related to that in the near future!)
Anywho…In honor of our 36 months as husband and wife, I wanted to share 36 things that I have learned so far from being married. Some of these things are stuff that were there in the back of my head but our marriage has really brought them forth and allowed me to actually know them for real!
Without further ado…
1. It’s okay not to feel head-over-heels in love every single day!
2. Your spouse is not you. You are not your spouse. The two of you are a team but the two of you do not “become one”. It’s healthy to have differences and do things separately and what-not!
3. Boundaries are super important! With one another, with in-laws… just in general! A healthy set of boundaries are really valuable!
4. The first year of marriage isn’t necessarily the easiest. The first three years, at least for us, was really a lot about truly getting to know one another and how we can work together, how we each fit in making our marriage work.
5. Open and effective communication is a skill (one of the 7 skills I highly recommend you learn before you get married..if possible) that is necessary to develop if you want to have a good, successful relationship!
6. Merging together 2 families and figuring out how everyone fits together can be tougher than you might imagine.
7. You don’t have to be on the same page with your spouse about everything! But…agreeing on the big stuff is pretty important (and helpful)!
8. There’s always something more to learn about your spouse…and you should make an effort on a regular basis to get to know them more!
9. A good marriage requires frequently making the choice to keep working at it and putting in the effort that’s required!
10. To assume really does what the quote says! Learn to ask clarifying questions and pause before reacting..
11. Your spouse is not meant to be your EVERYTHING! And same, you’re not meant to be EVERYTHING to your spouse!
12. Sex isn’t just something you do, it’s important to talk about it.
13. Your spouse is not responsible for making you happy, though you each do play a role in one anothers happiness. Take responsibility for your own happiness…otherwise, you’ll find yourself quite miserable despite their best efforts!
14. Put your stinkin’ devices away and take time to focus on your time with your spouse! It’s so easy to get caught up with each of you on your device and that’s fine occasionally but set it all aside from time to time.
15. Pray with one another as often as possible.
16. Pray for one another frequently!
17. It is important to keep your manners, no matter how long you’ve been married for.
18. Speak up from the beginning! It’s okay that you just got married, if you notice something is really bothering you, talk about it from the beginning. Not only does resentment build if you keep holding it in, they don’t know it’s bothering you so…they just keep at it.
19. It’s your responsibility (as well as your spouse’s) to be 100% committed to your marriage.
20. It is important to actively support one another in the things that are important to each of you…even if you don’t quite understand it.
21. You have to make time to talk and plan out your future together…at least on a monthly basis. If you don’t plan and set goals, you’re going to look back next year and realize you’re still in the same place.
22. You have to make the choice to focus on the good in your spouse, in your relationship…in life in general. What you focus on has a tendency to multiply.
23. It is important that each of you take time to express gratitude to one another on a regular basis…even for the little things that seem like stuff the other person “just does”.
24. It is important to have elders/mentors who have great marriages that you can go to for advice and wisdom.
25. You should probably not broadcast your marriage all over social media. It’s cool to post some pics and share some stuff here and there but for the most part, keep your business between you and the people you love and that you know are on your side!
26. As much as we have to continuously work on our relationship, it is important that we take the time to also work on ourselves at an individual level.
27. You always have to put some effort into your relationship. Don’t be lazy about it…not if you want a great relationship!
28. Learn your spouse’s love language and show them love in the way(s) that they best receive it!
29. Make sure you have realistic expectations! Your spouse is just as imperfect as you are..
30. You are NOT always right!
31. …and sometimes even when you are, it’s not worth arguing to prove it!
32. Conflict is not a sin! It’s okay to argue and disagree on occasion. It’s how you do it though!
33. When things are seeming really tough, check in with Allah, check in with yourself & check in with your spouse! More than likely something is out of alignment and you need to get that back in order.
34. Listening is crucial. You have to take the time to really hear your spouse – even during those times when you really don’t want to!
35. It’s important to be open to trying new things with your spouse. It’s a part of growing together. Maybe it’s something he loves but you’ve never done, maybe vice versa or cooler than that, maybe it’s something new for the both of you.
36. Always say I Love You back…even when you’re mad! Even when you don’t feel love pouring from your spouse and you don’t feel the love pouring from yourself,…say I love you and mean it.
Phew, that was a pretty mighty list! It took me a few months to decide on all the things that I wanted to add. Though this is a pretty thorough list, I know you have something more to add!
Question for the comments: What is one thing you’ve learned about marriage since you’ve been married?
Thank you for stopping by ‘Nourishing Our Home’. Please be sure to pop in every Thursday for new posts. Also, if you found this to be relatable and beneficial, please help me out by sharing with your family and friends.